hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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