Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
