I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
