how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
