Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
