Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
