my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
