Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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