I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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