If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
