Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
