we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
