You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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