was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
