Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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