Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
