Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
