Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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