3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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