The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
