is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My breasts were aching with rage.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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