The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
