You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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