Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
