I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
