Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Enjoy the penises
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
