My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
