wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
