Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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