JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
