***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
