last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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