Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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