Jerry, you need to find god
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
