she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
