Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
