Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
