My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
