So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
