We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
