okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
