gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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