From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
