In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
