well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
