How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
