There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
