Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
