I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So apparently I’m into choking now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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