It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
