I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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