How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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