it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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