Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
